recently i've been feeling neglected...not by anyone else, but by my own boyfriend. he just doesn't understand the affection i need. i try to explain to him as clearly as i can...but we never seem to see eye to eye. sometimes i don't even want to mention it because it always breaks out in a fight. i guess the biggest problem is that...at times i feel like our relationship is dying...like the flame is burning out. it's so hard for me to tell him what the problem is...because he's in such denial...he always believes that our relationship is "perfect"...he doesn't see that we're not even close to "perfect". at times i really do believe that our relationship is great...but in a blink of an eye...everything just falls apart once again. i tell him that there are many things he can do to make our relationship better...but he never seems to agree with me. i always think to myself....what happened to the sweet affectionate guy i fell in love with so long ago? i know deep down inside he's still there...but im having trouble finding him. i need the sweet david back....the one who used to buy me roses whenever i was sad or feeling upset...the one who called me everyday right after school...i miss that. to be honest...i don't even remember when was the last time i got a rose from him for no particular reason...i need that kind of attention. and when i tell him..the first word out of his mouth is "materialistic". that's the one word that describes me the best...according to him. i dont understand how wanting to feel special and wanting someone to care for me..is considered materialistic. it's not like im with him for his money..or its not like im telling him to buy me jewels. i need roses...candy...and teddy bears...i mean who doesn't? he doesn't know what one simple rose can make me feel...he doesn't know the feelings i feel when he gives me a card...or the joy i feel when he calls...so how is this materialistic...come on...a rose is $2...if i was materialistic i wouldn't want no $2 rose! actions speak louder than words...i don't care if you tell me you like me...i need you to show me you like me. words don't really mean anything if you can't back them up. people really need to understand that...

...yay! thanksgiving is coming up...you know what that means! GRUB! haha thats what i'm talkin bout. i only hope i can eat when that day comes because my whole mouth is swollen and hurts like crazy. i don't know why...but fuck it hurts so bad!

"love has truly been good to me" - lil romeo & solange

...i need some good lovin' DAMN IT!

...i was just thinking...i need to get drunk! hunnie...you wanna get drunk with me? so we can get crunk tonight??

l.o.v.e.

...short, four lettered word....with complicated and difficult to explain feelings...when the thoughts are inside...it all makes sense...but when they are brought out...it doesnt make any kind of sense...feelings never come out the way we want them to...it just sounds good inside our heads...when we actually try explaining these emotions...its nothing but random jargon...sometimes the only way we can prove our love for someone...is by our actions....actions always speak louder than words...

...has anybody ever told you to "follow your heart"? whats in your heart is not the truth...the heart says what we want it to say...we control what we want our hearts to tell us...

david is "an angel sent from heaven to answer my prayers." i feel so lucky to have him in my life. i would do ABSOLUTELY anything for him...he's ALL ive ever wished for and SO much more...

im just here trying to do my homework...but can't seem to comprehend any of it. a two page reading response is due tomorrow at 5:00 pm and i havent even started a sentence. i dont understand the reading or the questions im supposed to answer. jennifer is reading it right now...so that she can tell me what its about. hmmm...i miss david so much...i've tried calling him a million times but i can't get a hold of him...maybe hes at work. o wells..

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! i miss you already babe! hunnie when are u comin back?!